By Rachel A.G. Gilman
Welcome to Hump Day Update, the place to find out everything you need to know about what’s been going on in the entertainment world for the week. I’m Rachel A.G. Gilman. But enough about me, let’s get to the news.
Nathan Sykes of The Wanted announced his plans to go solo this week, saying he’s been working on a pop-soul album, which will feature a break-up song about his ex-girlfriend, Ariana Grande. In other words, the best way to start your career is to promote yourself with music about your far more successful ex.
The world sobbed and screamed Thursday night with the loss of the dreamiest character on “Grey’s Anatomy.” If you were DVR-ing it, I hope you didn’t watch TV or get on the Internet before and have the episode ruined (aw, the pitfalls of technology). Okay, Shonda, I get it, you aren’t afraid to kill people; but didn’t you think this was a little heartless and unreasonable? I don’t care if Dempsey has decided he wants to race cars and hide his gorgeous face from the world under a helmet — this was uncalled for! The power has gone to your head, my dear.
Jay-Z continues to defend his streaming service Tidal, saying it is more than just a way for already wealthy artists to increase their cash flow. However, this could just be because he’s worried his investment in the already floundering company could disqualify him from said wealthy artist club and doesn’t want to lose all his friends.
Former MTV hit and brainchild of Ashton Kutcher, “Punk’d,” is making a comeback on BET. Chances are Kutcher won’t be hosting the show on the Black Entertainment Television network, but I’m curious on who will be pranked this season. I’m hoping they include some Tyler Perry’s Madea surprises throughout.
Jimmy Fallon and Chris Pratt ignored critics of Fallon’s game playing and participated in a few round of Nonsense Karaoke on “The Tonight Show” this week. Pratt performed a mixed up version of “Uptown Funk,” not that anyone noticed because no one knows the actual lyrics, anyway.
In other late night news, in his “Lie Witness News” segment, Jimmy Kimmel managed to convince people the government actually schedules earthquakes. Can I get a sarcastic “hooray” for the American education system followed by a palm to the face?
Evan Peters announced he will return for season five of “American Horror Story,” which will apparently take place in a hotel. Just when you thought Ryan Murphy had done enough by making you hate high school students who sing pop songs, creepy old houses, and the circus, now you can thank him for your fears during your next hotel stay.
There is the possibility of John Mayer and The Grateful Dead going on tour together in the fall, and the two acts have already begun jamming out in preparation. One Deadhead fan reportedly said, “It sounds like Ratdog, the sequel,” referring to Grateful Dead member Bob Weir’s less-successful side project. Ironically, “Ratdog” is among the nicer nicknames Mayer’s exes have for him.
And finally, in the weirdest news of the week, physicist Stephen Hawking, who recently released his own music, announced at a lecture he did via hologram that he believes, “It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe. And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.” If this does not prove 1D has completed world domination, I’m not sure what else will.
Hope you enjoyed this week! See you back here next Wednesday.
Rachel A.G. Gilman is a staff writer. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.